Time: Friday, November 8, 2022, 6 PM
Location: Comic Strip Live, UES
The comics today are talking a lot about their heights. One comic joke has to do with midgets, the others are either happy or not happy with their heights. On the stage, there is a small Christmas snowman figurine holding a lantern.
This is a very height-conscious group today. How come any of you haven’t paid attention to this little guy right here? He is not very tall!
The crowd appreciates this observation. Everything from now on goes downhill.
Last Friday I did an open mic in Brooklyn. It’s a different game over there. If you are not funny, they shoot you. Literally.
Silence.
One of the guys made jokes and no one laughed. Then he started crying. Then people start laughing. He collapsed. Then he died.
Silence. For some reason, I thought the absurdity of that situation is funny, but evidently, I was wrong.
Anyways, the other day I went to the park.
That transition manufactures the most laughs. I then tell a story about a guy who asked me for the time and then shook my hand. How it seems ridiculous but I actually think it’s normal. How the other day I saw him again and shook his hand because it makes sense as part of the transaction of exchanging time. Zero laughs.
Do you guys pray? It’s such a throwback. People stop praying because god doesn’t listen. But actually, he listens, but he is very old, and he can’t hear well. When he hears “God, I want money!”, he hears “I want mommy!” and when he hears “God I want happiness,” he thinks “Did that guy wants Penis???”
Not one person finds this funny. I then talk about school shootings. I say it is a heavy subject and somehow try to connect mass shootings to the American obsession with big box stores such as Costco. This doesn’t work and I go off the stage full of shame. The performance hunts me into the night but fortunately, I don’t cry into my pillow. Comedians need rejection. It is part of the curriculum.